Inspiration (pt. 1)

Yesterday at Fixated we did small groups and hung out and talked about some awesome stuff. one subject we talked about was who was our hero, after jesus, and not including the tv show. Today i started thinking about what inspired me to write, draw, create, to pretty much do more then i usually do. What inspires me to go out of my way to really be part of something or do something more then is required. The easy answer to that question would be the Lord. who else to inspire me but the creator of heaven and earth who yearns to fill all of humanity with his grace and peace and joy. but i found it to be too easy an answer. Don't get me wrong, God inspires me to do many things and to go out of my way all the time. His Spirit fills me and pushes me into and out of things that i woulndt know how to handle on my own. But i guess the real question i was asking myself was "What does God want me to do?" where does he want my energies, my time, my talents and efforts to be invested for His kingdom. God can be everywhere at once and can do all things at once, but i'm limited in that regard. what I can do is nothing in the shadow of what He can do.

I'm enjoying the question though. it reminds me that God's definition of my life isnt "Go to church, go to youth, go to events, give offering, repeat." He wants specific things for my life, and has in mind an exact and perfect way for me to follow them. Now, I dont always stick with that plan, but it's always His goal to bring me back to it. Lately I've been wondering what God's will for my life is. what does he want me to do with what he's given me. right now I dont have the answer. but I know that my service to Him is at the core of it, and that as long as I serve God I'll find out pretty soon.

I got sniped by Halo0004

So yesterday i was hanging out at youth and, as always, a couple of us plugged in halo 2 (now with new maps) and i was dying a lot. now this happens a lot when i'm playing anthony or vincent but a lot of the people i was playing had barely been playing halo at all. i still remember when i'd have to remind them how to shoot (after i found them and shot them of course) and now i'm getting no scope sniped across an entire field. that is a marked improvement. We do that a lot. grow and improve i mean. we dont stay in the same place with anything in our lives for long. we improve our friendships, our sports skills, our everything.

We should be doing the same thing with God, and our relationship with him. we should be constantly refining it and tuning it and making sure it's in the best possible shape we can make it, because what else is or could be more important? But unfortunately, we don't always do what we should. I know i haven't in the past and i probably won't in the future. however, we are all aware of how we should be with God, and if the place we could be at isnt the same place we should be at we shoulndt make peace with it. we shoulndt accept the places we're weak as eternal, and be satisfied with the places we're strong in. we should keep striving, and growing, and getting deeper into God.

Pastor Anthony always defeats me unmercifully at Halo. our first halo match the score was 25-7 . For those of you that dont play, that is really bad. since then i've played and practiced and at our last match he beat me by 25-14 and it's not perfect, it's not even close, but i'm improving and someday i will be faster and stronger. but i wont get there by sitting around and watching everyone else play. I'll get there by practicing, and playing more, and playing stronger opponents, and spending a lot more time with the game then he does.

Someday, I want to be so close to God that i look back at the place i am now and say: man, i am so much stronger now. but i wont get to that place either by looking at everyone around me rise and sitting on the bench. I refuse to let what God wants for and from me pass me by. i'm going to get in the game and rise, and grow and improve. I'm going to keep growing stronger and getting better. but what i will do doesnt matter for you right now. what's going through your heart and your head is what should. so with that i'll leave it at one question: What will you do?

Lunch

So today i had lunch at the church because going home and coming back to class would have been a bit of a hassle. i didnt want crumbs falling in PA's office so i went to the youth room and ate there. now since this was tuesday the Keenagers ministry was in full swing and turns out a lot of the keenagers actually stay and have lunch together and share stories from times past. as i sat there and listened, i started thinking about all the good times i've had in my life that's probably a fraction of theirs. of the awesome experiences i've been blessed to go through, experiences that some people never will go through and some of you guys have shared with me.

Sometimes i worry about the future. about what i'll be doing tomorrow, about how my classes will go, what i'll do for a living once i graduate, will i ever get a car, what will happen to my baby brother when he starts growing up and the list goes on and on. and i often ask God a lot about what i'm suposed to do next, and how he's going to bring me through this dilemma or that. and today as i was thinking about my past, about all the things he'd brought me, my family, my church, my friends, random stories i've heard. and today as i heard some of the keenagers stories, i realised, man He's going to bring me through. so why worry?

Time

Time. You can't get it back, you can't give it away, you can't make more of it. there's never enough, it's always running out, and more and more, it's always booked. There's so much to do these days. From school early in the morning to homework right after, to band practice, to soccer practice, to family time, to all the other stuff. It seems like our lives are spent rushing from one place to another to another, never taking a break, never stopping, because honestly, who has the time?

I used to do that a lot. I'd sacrifice time with friends, family, and most importantly, the Lord just to fit in another club, or another AP class or another something that now seems so unimportant. I even got so busy that i would go to two clubs at once, walking in and out of both to attend the other. I thought that my being in those places somehow counted for something, that being on their roster made me . . . something more then what i was. But every single time when the weekend rolled around all i had to show for it was a pile of homework, unfinished projects and a pound of worry in my mind. and through it all i'd keep hoping and praying for more time.

The book of Ecclesiastes begins with one of my now favorite statements. chapter 1, vs2 "Meaningless! Meaningless! says the teacher, Utterly meaningless vs3 what does man gain from all his labor?" in this verse, King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived looks back at his life and shouts: there is no point. life isnt about work, or practice, or school. all those things at some point are going to be meaningless, they'll fade into a shadow of a memory. want proof? ask your parents what they had for eighth grade math. in case you dont know this yet, no one will care about your GPA after your first job unless you run for president. and that's your college GPA. There's so much more to the life that the Lord has given us. precious moments of fellowship and worship and just being alive.

Sometimes we need to stop. stop and enjoy the moments we've been blessed with. the people we're barely getting to know. the God who loves us so much. there's life all around us, an adventure around every corner, and a new experience right around; but for us to catch those chances, for us to catch up to the time we've been losing, we've got to slow things down and enjoy the moment we have.