Goodnight. . .

Today the world lost one of its best. I'll admit i didnt know her too well, but she was one of those you didnt need to know to know. Everyone around her was always happier, always more joyful. She was the best of us, and now she goes into the night, loved by those who knew her, missed by those who loved her.

To you, our sister, our friend

You will be missed

'Ohana

"Ohana means family, Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten"

It's funny how the deepest truths go right over your head the first time you hear them. for the last few months that line is what we've been searching for and fighting for at the Bonfire. In the Hawaiian language, that word, that anyone who's seen "Lilo and Stitch" might recognize implies something deeper then mere blood relation. Family is more than sharing a few Chromosomes, it's going through pain and joy together, losing and gaining ground together, and honestly a whole lot more together. I'm learning that to fight for family means to die for family. it means giving up pre-eminence and pride, risking respect and admiration, laying bare that which most would recommend stay hidden for the chance that another would reciprocate. It means to take on the fights of others like they were your own, to lock arms in battle with the unknown.

But i'm also learning that the sacrifice is more than worth it, in the eyes of my brothers and my sisters i see it as more than worth it.

'Ohana means family, Family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.

In the quiet . . .

A few weeks ago i got to go to this awesome school called SCSL. (South Carolina School of Leadership) i met people whose hearts were devoted unto the Lord through their brokenness. they weren't perfect, but all of them made their best to reflect the love they'd been given. they were my brothers and my sisters after a day, my family after a weekend, blood to blood and heart to heart. We didn't share experience, we didn't journey together, at least not yet, but in their eyes i saw something that i really want for myself. see, I believe that in the coming days there will be and is a new Christian being born, one who embraces love with a desperation to make the apostles rise and take notice, the prophets of old stand and be amazed. they are not described by age, style, but by the love and blood. They are Apostle, as was in the days of old, drenched and made in the fire of the spirit and the blood of Christ, each and every one forged to great purpose, to great power. There is no small feat for them, no small battle, because they understand that each choice is a win or a loss for God, and they are willing . . .

They have made the choice to pay the price, to give up even their own lives, and no, not to die. for to die is easier than to suffer through temptation and sin, through pain and loss, through all that is of and in this world. They are moving now, and I have seen them, rising as one, and the echo of their heartcry goes through the earth. I have seen them, and though i believed before I saw, now I have seen, and know it is beyond possible. It is necessary.

and still to be like them is not my goal, to be where they are not my desire. Christ is my goal, to love him more my desire, to be like him my gift, to lose myself in the trade nothing. this is the heartcry of those born of love, those who are willing to move past want to will, past might to have, past the cozy cages of pews and sunday services into the freedom of pain and blood and love. for all there is is God, and all He is is love.

I'm sorry for not making any sense with any of this, but at the heart of it is this. I'm not worth it, i'm not there yet, i'm not a mighty man of God. but i want to be, and i'm moving into it. it might take me a thousand years, let it be as Christ wants it, but i choose to move into the place of Grace. I choose to be what God wants me to be, and to have the heart he wants me to give. I surrender my cage of creature comforts, my life of three a day meals and air conditioned nights, my cable tv, and my 24/7 facebook pass. I want to embrace the sacrifice

Who is there like the Lord? He is called maker of heaven and earth, the depths and all that inhabit them. He is to be both feared and exalted, He is both awesome to behold and beyond belief, He is God. truly, inescapably God, beyond power, beyond majesty, beyond the consciousness of man, beyond all that could be described. He is God. A living contradiction, holder of all power, strong beyond any king or kingdom, yet servant and lover are his favorite names. to behold him is to realize the smallness of us, to see him as he is is to forget our own pain, for he loves us with a passion that he never denies, with a passion that he cannot forget. and as foolish, and selfish, and broken, and sinful, and evil we are, he is more gracious, more than gracious, more than loving, more than kind, more than merciful, He is love. love which we lack. love which i need. love which you have given freely and abundantly.

You're so. . . You

You're different now. . . you're closer than you've ever been and i havent realised it. i've been looking for you in the places you're not, in the empty and lost things, but that's not where you are. you're here, close, and i'm sorry that i've been quiet. i'm sorry that i haven't gone after you like i should. I'm heavy hearted, almost broken hearted. you take me just like i am though, and today's a new beginning again. Dad, i just want to be close. . . no big words, no dictionary terms, just me, just you, let the world pass by, forget everything that's going on, right now, just let it be me, you and me and you, and let that be it. in the quiet, i can hear your whisper, and in the middle of the crowds, it's all i'll listen for. i've missed you, oh beloved, joy of my heart, song of my soul, drown me in your love, leave no part unsaturated, leave all things you. leave me you. you're so amazing, so past words, bigger then the small tasks i make for myself, you're bigger then my purpose, greater then my will and my ambition, you're YOU. you're so. . .You're so. . .You.

I have run the race . . .

Hebrews 12:1 says: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

The author of Hebrews begins the chapter by reminding us that we're not alone in this world. He reminds us that the entire world, a world i believe to be thirsty for their God's touch, is watching. It's how every mistake is caught, how every pastor who sins is on the evening news, how every scandal is heard by all. someone was watching. the thing we should remember is that those people are always watching, and though ministries to feed the hungry, clothe the poor, bless children, and provide for widows often go unannounced, they are still seen. they are seen by the people we serve, and love, and care for. these ministries are also seen by their friends and family as they ask "you look better today, what hapened?" they are seen by those who had hardened their hearts against Jesus, and though those hearts don't always melt on the spot, a chip comes off, and the more we love and the more we reflect Jesus, the more pieces of the wall fall until they meet Jesus, the Author and Perfector of our Faith.

this author also reminds us to keep going. to keep running. not to run once in a while, but to continue to grow, to continue opening our hearts to JEsus, that he might finish the work he began.

Let us be reminded of the urgency of salvation, and driven by that urgency, let us run, and run, and run, to keep reflecting Jesus, that those who hunger for him and his salvation might meet him, and join us in this race, and that they too might go home to join he who will bring all this to perfection by his grace.

Being a Good Critic

Lately i've been listening to a few different pastors through online sources, such as their websites, vodcasts, and podcasts. there's quite a few pretty cool teachers out there that love Jesus, serve him faithfully, and are blessed with spiritual and physical growth, and i enjoy listening to people like that. at the end of the day, we all need good teaching and preaching, and though i am bery much satisfied with the teaching at my church, i like to listen to other people while i'm out and about, or around the house.

Now a funny thing i've noticed is that the more influence that these guys are blessed with, it seems like they're blessed with twice as much criticism. every time they get a new insight that they bring to their church, bloggers, and even other church leaders, micero analyze and criticise them. now as i listen to and relisten to these sermons, i've realised a few funny things. first, once in a while these guys say something that's wrong. plain and simply, once in a while, in a one hour sermon, they'll say something that's not completely correct because they're human. once in a while, when i teach sunday school or say something in small group, i realise that i also do the same thing. lesson number one would be that we're all wrong.

the question with being taught and litening becomes how to react to what you suspect to be incorrect teaching, and i would submit to you that you should react to what you think is incorrect the same way you react to what you would assume to be correct. you double check. eveything. true and infallible teaching comes from the bible and from God, and we're blessed with awesome pastors who do a great job, and whom my aim is not to insult, but we as Christians should be growing and learning to feed ourselves. 98.99 percent of the time, our pastors are correct, and honestly, the leftover is dismissable, but it is not God's wish that we would be 98.99 percent correct, but that we be 100 percent correct. if we fear something to be correct, then we should, with humility and grace, approach the bible, see what it says, because sometimes we are wrong. and then humbly approach our pastors, seek out clarification and understanding.

we are not to be self-righteous, even in the things which are righteous, for in this we betray God's truth with our own attempt at correction. and so the message of this confusing story is: read your bible, listen to God, and seek correctness