In the quiet . . .

A few weeks ago i got to go to this awesome school called SCSL. (South Carolina School of Leadership) i met people whose hearts were devoted unto the Lord through their brokenness. they weren't perfect, but all of them made their best to reflect the love they'd been given. they were my brothers and my sisters after a day, my family after a weekend, blood to blood and heart to heart. We didn't share experience, we didn't journey together, at least not yet, but in their eyes i saw something that i really want for myself. see, I believe that in the coming days there will be and is a new Christian being born, one who embraces love with a desperation to make the apostles rise and take notice, the prophets of old stand and be amazed. they are not described by age, style, but by the love and blood. They are Apostle, as was in the days of old, drenched and made in the fire of the spirit and the blood of Christ, each and every one forged to great purpose, to great power. There is no small feat for them, no small battle, because they understand that each choice is a win or a loss for God, and they are willing . . .

They have made the choice to pay the price, to give up even their own lives, and no, not to die. for to die is easier than to suffer through temptation and sin, through pain and loss, through all that is of and in this world. They are moving now, and I have seen them, rising as one, and the echo of their heartcry goes through the earth. I have seen them, and though i believed before I saw, now I have seen, and know it is beyond possible. It is necessary.

and still to be like them is not my goal, to be where they are not my desire. Christ is my goal, to love him more my desire, to be like him my gift, to lose myself in the trade nothing. this is the heartcry of those born of love, those who are willing to move past want to will, past might to have, past the cozy cages of pews and sunday services into the freedom of pain and blood and love. for all there is is God, and all He is is love.

I'm sorry for not making any sense with any of this, but at the heart of it is this. I'm not worth it, i'm not there yet, i'm not a mighty man of God. but i want to be, and i'm moving into it. it might take me a thousand years, let it be as Christ wants it, but i choose to move into the place of Grace. I choose to be what God wants me to be, and to have the heart he wants me to give. I surrender my cage of creature comforts, my life of three a day meals and air conditioned nights, my cable tv, and my 24/7 facebook pass. I want to embrace the sacrifice